


Fikra - Idea

by Mini_Goat



Series: Balderdash [5]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 16:47:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20246077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mini_Goat/pseuds/Mini_Goat
Summary: Jack is having a very very disturbing day.





	Fikra - Idea

**Author's Note:**

> Series of shorts about Jack being picked on consolidated into a single piece.

Daniel snapped his fingers. "I've got it!"

"Got what?"Jack looked up, disinterested from his desk where he was pretending to write reports but was actually playing Minesweeper.

"What did you name your penis?"

"Daniel..."the warning in Jack's voice was clear.

"Never mind. it's getting a new name."

"Why." his tone indicated that meant a number of things.

"It's new name is 'Alien Influence'. " Daniel said smugly

Jack sighed. "Why." me he thought though didn't say.

"That way if you and Sam get caught she can say she was under..."

"Get out Daniel" Jack pointed at the door.

* * *

“O’Neill.”

“Teal’c.” Jack said mildly as Teal’c joins him to walk down the hall.

“Daniel Jackson has suggested a strange Tau’ri prata tradition.”

Oh here we go. “What tradition is that Teal’c.”

“He tells me Tau’ri males name their manhood.”

Jack sighs. “Pays to name the guy who does most of your thinking for you Teal’c.”

“He then suggested you rename yours ‘Alien Influence’ because…”

“Yah I know why T.” Jack interrupted him.

“Indeed.” Teal’c inclined his head. “Should you not then name your kel-wan ‘ancient communication devices’ in the eventuality that Samantha Carter becomes with child?”

“Oh for cryin out loud!” Jack throws his hands up and walks away.

* * *

Jack had a few stops to make before they went out on their next mission. The next one being the MALP repair room where he could find Siler most often when not in the gate control room.

He found the other man cross legged in front of a partially disassembled MALP with a diagnostic computer hooked up to it.

“How are the repairs going?” Jack asked him.

“Well enough sir.” He answered lost in thought.

“Good to hear.” Jack relaxed a little. Finally someone who had been far too busy for base gossip this week.

“Yup. There’s a power interruption. If this thing had a ZPM it would have a lot in common with your ass this week sir.”

Without a word, Jack fled for the infirmary.

* * *

Jack sat as patiently as he could while Janet examined him for his pre-mission check up.

“Sir. You seem to have some scratches on your back.” Janet smirked. “Should I put down that you got them probing for naquadah? “

Jack ground the heals of his fists into his eyes. “Doc.” It was a pitiful plea for mercy.

Janet without another word went into her office and closed the door. Hysterical laughter could be heard through the concrete wall.

“Yah sure, youbetcha.” He muttered in terror, threw on his cloths as fast as he could and slunk out of the infirmary.

* * *

“Sir.”

“Carter.”

“What are you doing Sir?” She had no idea how, but Jack had somehow folded his over six foot frame into a space between two pieces of equipment.

“Hiding.”

“May I ask what from Sir?” A snort escaped her lips. He looked very silly wedged in there playing his Gameboy.

“Everyone on the base has gone insane but you Carter. I believe we have a foothold situation.” He whispered conspiratorially.

Not really believing him, she asked anyway. “Why do you believe that Sir?”

“Everyone I’ve talked to today has an opinion on my proclivities.”

“What sort of proclivities Sir?”

“Uh… physical ones.”

“Like hygiene?” she asked him innocently but he couldn’t see her well enough from his hiding place to know if she was mocking him or not.

“More… recreational.” He muttered.

“Oh. OH!.” She blushed.

“Yah.”

There was a long pause before she spoke.

“Did you tell them you were just probing for samples?”

“Gah!” Jack fled.

* * *

Get caught making out in a closet once. ONCE and you never hear the end of it around here…

**Author's Note:**

> I did a lot of research for a Goa’uld name for testicles and found none. I improvised. Kel means you, wan means before. Normally I’d have gone with egg because that’s what testis roughly means but so far there isn’t a word for that.


End file.
